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) be slowly roasted in a stew of his own fedoras, watched over by the legions of women who have to try to figure out why this person who ostensibly wants to date them just called them “pretty but not in an intimidating way.”1.

The Neg For the blissfully unacquainted, to “neg” someone is to basically insult her while pretending to compliment her.

They're awkward, they usually involve some kind of drink or meal that you'd rather not share with a stranger, and there's always that hesitant question at the forefront of both your minds: Thanks to a lot of poodle skirts and antiquated ideas about dating, first-date sex has become a topic of controversy, with many of us still believing in the shameful stigma attached to it.

Despite our generally enlightened attitudes in this new-age hookup culture, we're still viewing sex on the first date as a make-or-break moment, leaving most of us to agonize over what the right move is.

When you can't feel anything during the act, that's a problem.

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Here's the problem: We recently became intimate for the first time, and he is, unfortunately, very poorly endowed—so small that I did some Google searching and think he might have a micropenis.

I would feel bad, except that the authors of the messages that provoke that kind of reaction most certainly do not give a fuck. Because they sent that same exact masturbatory-ass message to me AND two of my friends. So I’ve come up with a few categories of messages that you’re liable to receive if you find yourself being simultaneously female and in possession of an online dating profile.

May God have mercy on our souls, and may whoever invented the backhanded compliment as flirting tactic (damn you, popular MTV pickup artist Mystery!

The violence turned physical in the last few months, and by then I felt completely trapped.

He would tell me if I was to leave or tell anyone about the abuse, he would kill me, my family, and himself.